


Virus

by jer832



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Did I mention this is crack?, Fluff and Crack, Romantic Fluff, shag or die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24098218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jer832/pseuds/jer832
Summary: "It's not safe to go out!"
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	Virus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [develish1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/develish1/gifts).



> For a decade I've been part of a wonderful and creative adult comm, bad-wolf-rising.livejournal.com. BWR has gifted me with some of my best friends and weirdest story ideas. 
> 
> We've been trying to make each other laugh. This happened. Don't judge me by it; it's 58 days of self-quarantine so far; and while I still crave them, carbs and chocolate are beginning to make me sick.

Virus

"Rose, wait up! It's not safe to go out. The TARDIS has detected a virus." The Doctor frowns as he works the bio-scanner on the console. "It's highly contagious and incurable."

"Then why would she land us here? That doesn't make sense."

He shakes his head, looking bewildered as he reads the data flashing over the screen. "It invades the brain, arrogates control of our reasoning abilities. It also inhibits our responses to external stimuli... It confuses the internal, uh— basically, it overcomes our willpower and our ability to suppress innate…the, uh … carnal…"

"Oh my god, it's a shag or die virus!" Rose laughs, unable to take the TARDIS's so-called mistake and the Doctor's stunned look seriously, and starts to open the door.

"I said _don't_!"

"You're having me on."

"No, I'm not! This is serious, Rose. I don't want you forced to want me. Burning all day, all night. It hurts so, Rose, it— If you catch the virus it will never be out of our thoughts."

"Our thoughts?" She's carefully keeping all expression off her face and out of her voice. Not that it matters; when the Doctor looks up, he doesn't quite look at her.

"Like opposite-pole magnets, we'll endure attraction so strong that unless we remain at least two meters apart our desire will draw us together."

"And at two and a quarter meters?"

The Doctor turns back to study the data. She waits, watching patiently as his fingers fly over the keyboard interface and the TARDIS's responses fly over the screen in his alien script. He's shaking his head in short jerky eruptions of baffled disbelief. When he begins to talk again the Doctor sounds a little bit broken, and Rose has the feeling it's not because of what he read.

"According to the TARDIS, the unspecific emotional and endocrinal markers of desire are too vague for the virus to successfully parrot in individuals who are more than two meters apart. The psycho-physiological state would persist, Rose, you'd still feel as if you want me; but without the gut-wrenching pain for you."

"So if I catch this virus I won't burn for you when we're on opposite sides of the console?"

"You won't feel anything emotional for me as long as you stay more than two meters out of my personal space."

"Then I won't feel magnetized by you when I'm alone in my bed at night, or in my shower, or back at Mum's. I won't burn for you so hot that I can't think straight about anything else when I'm off in some fascinating alien bazaar supposedly having a great time shopping while you're back here caressing the TARDIS instead of my half of the magnet. Every minute of my day won't bring gut-wrenching pain, totally incurable and managed only when your hand finds its way around mine."

"Oh Rose, do you mean?"

She moves to him, and for once she lets him read her true feelings for him in her eyes. The Doctor's eyes ignite with hope, but a moment later they burn with shame. He drops his head.

"I promised your mother I would keep you safe from harm. If you let me love you, Rose, I'll hurt you. I'll break your heart. My people, Gallifreyans, are... were... Rose, I'm different than Human males."

"Oh. You don't have a— You don't... _dance_."

"I _dance_ , Rose Tyler, and I've wanted to _dance_ with you from the moment you gave me your hand! But. . . I want to _dance_ with Jack too."

Rose crowds into the Doctor's personal space, making him look at her finally.

"So do I, Doctor." She grins. "So lets get the sleepyhead out of bed and convince him to go explore the planet with us."

The Doctor laughs, and there's more joy there than she's ever heard in his laughter before.

"Not so fast, Rose Tyler! First--"

He lifts her off the floor and spins them like a whirlwind. He finally stops twirling her and puts her down, but he doesn't let her go.

"And second--"

As he leans in to kiss her, Rose tilts her face up to meet his, giddy and eager to taste him on her lips at last.

The TARDIS door flies open and Jack saunters in. "There's a new planet to explore and you're wasting a beautiful day! C'mon you two, get moving."


End file.
